Just A Dream
by XxChibiEmoVampirexX
Summary: Kendall promised the world to James. Who knew those promises would die with him in the war. AU-BTR the band doesn't exist. James Maslow x Kendall Schmidt Character Death. Mentions Of War. Contains Sadness.


**I really shouldn't be posting this xD I really should be posting the fourth chapter to my Big Time Kittens, but nope! I decided to listen to sad songs, and now all I can do is think of sad things so I decided to write this x3**

**Pairings: Kames, and slight Cargan**

**Warnings: Angst and some M/M Love**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the song lyrics, or any of the people used in this fic nor do I know them x3**

**Now, please enjoy and review~**

James sat in his fiancé's car, as they sat in his driveway just not wanting this night to end. The warm air of July blew through James's hair as he looked out the window and soft music played through Kendall's radio as he leaned into Kendall's body as the blonde wrapped his arm around the brunette's shoulders.

"James, what's wrong? You're all quiet now…" James looked at Kendall with wide hazel eyes, and blinked remembering he had barely said a word on their way to his house from the restaurant. "Nothing, just...just thinking, ya know."

Kendall blinked then smiled, before he leaned over to kiss James's cheek, "Thinking about tomorrow?" James blushed at the kiss, and nodded at the question. Tomorrow was the day that Kendall was going to be shipped off to Iraq for the umpteenth time.

"You worried?" "I'm always worried when it comes to you." Kendall frowned, and wrapped his arms around James before he pulled him closer to his body as much as the car would allow them.

"I'll be fine, I always am." "But what if this time…" "It won't happen…I promise." Kendall interrupted softly, and took James's hand into his own. They intertwined their fingers, and looked at the rings they shared.

"You promise?" James whispered before he looked up into Kendall's forest green eyes from under his lashes. Kendall smiled, and leaned forward to place a soft kiss upon James's lips. "I promise…I'll be back two weeks after you turn twenty-two, and then we'll tie the knot." Kendall whispered softly back, and grinned at his smiling boyfriend.

James nodded, and smiled kissing Kendall's lips, sealing their promise to each other that night.

_It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen._

_All dressed in white, going to the church that night._

_She has his boxes of letters in the passenger seat, sixpence in a shoe._

_Something borrowed something blue._

_When the church doors opened up wide, she put her veil down trying to hide the tears._

_Oh, she just couldn't believe it._

_She heard the trumpets from the military band, and then the flowers fell out of her hand._

It was exactly a month after Kendall was sent overseas to fight in Iraq, and exactly two weeks after James turned twenty-two. The night Kendall was expected home. James took a deep breath, and looked over at his passenger seat.

There laid the box of all of Kendall's letters, a sixpence in a shoe, his father's old bronze star of David to keep in his pocket for good luck and his mother's blue ribbon she wore on her wedding day.

He smiled, taking the ribbon and star into his hand. He ran his thumb over the bronze star feeling some form of encouragement to help ease his nerves, and wrapped the ribbon around his wrist to help secure that encouragement. He slipped the star into his pocket, and got out of his car that was parked in front of Kendall's house.

He made his way up the driveway, and then up the sidewalk that was between flower bushes and small lawn lights to the solid oak front door. He walked up the two front steps to the door, and knocked twice before he let himself in.

James smiled as he walked into the house, but the smile soon faded when he noticed the two military men in the living room along with Kendall's parents and siblings, and his own parents and siblings.

He then noticed Kendall's mom was on her knees, crying into her hands as her husband held her close. James soon felt his chest starting to constrict, as he stood silently in the door way to the living room and noticed everyone seemed to be in the same state of sadness but not as much as Kendall's mother and father.

One military man who looked like a commanding officer looked towards James, and started towards him. "James Maslow?" James stood frozen in place, before he nodded slightly to the man in front of him. The man sighed solemnly, and reached behind him pulling out two letters from his back pocket.

He handed the letters to James, and as James took them the man put his hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry." He whispered softly, his face growing solemn as James looked away from the man's face to the letters in his hands.

They were both addressed to him, but the one that caught James's eye was the sender on the first letter. It was from the military. He started to open the letter, trying to steady his hands as he tore the letter one for the paper inside.

James then took the letter out, and felt his breath get caught in his throat as tears started to form in his hazel eyes. It was a letter saying that Kendall had died in action while defending his country.

James covered his mouth as the tears fell freely, and whimpered, before he looked at the man in front of him. "What happened?" The man sighed, and looked down, "I'm sorry…I can't" "Tell me!" James cried as he glared at the surprised man.

James then whimpered as more tears ran down his cheeks, "Just…Just please tell me what happened to him…" The soldier sighed, and looked James in the eyes, "He was in a tank. They were making their rounds, and unknowingly went over a bomb set by the enemy. The bomb went off, and destroyed the tank, no one survived."

Hearing what happened to Kendall made James's heart break into a million pieces, and made him fall to his knees. He put his hands to his eyes, and let out a scream as thick streams of tears ran down his red cheeks.

James didn't open the second letter that night. It just hurt too much to know that that was Kendall's final letter to him.

_The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray._

_Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt._

_Then the congregation all stood up to sang the saddest song that she ever heard._

_Then they handed her a folded up flag._

_And she held on to all she had left of him._

_Oh, and what could have been._

_And then the guns rang one last shot._

_And it felt like a bullet to her heart._

A week later was Kendall's funeral. James sat between his mother, and father as the preacher gave his sermon. He held his parent's hands, as he looked at the black casket that was going to be lowered into the ground.

On the other side of the casket held Kendall's parents, and siblings. Kendall's mother had a black veil over her face, but it didn't hide the poor mother's tears. But no one could blame her; her baby boy was gone and was never coming back.

Kendall's father held a strong face as he held his wife's hand, listening to the sermon quietly but James could see the pain in his eyes. Kendall's brothers were no different than their father, holding up the strong front but held the pain and tears inside.

James's family was no different. James's mother was gently dabbing her eyes, and sniffling quietly next to her son. James's father looked like Kendall's father, but calmer trying to keep a straight face for his son.

James's older brother sat behind him with their little sister who was crying her eyes out in her eldest brother's chest. She was doing what James wish he could do, but he had to stay strong because that's what Kendall would've wanted.

James looked towards the people standing, and saw all their friends, Kendall's family and some of his own family that knew Kendall. He saw Carlos, and Logan who were holding hands and gently crying. Carlos had his face buried in Logan's shoulder so he could sob quietly, and Logan just cried silently over his friend's death.

He smiled sadly, and returned his eyes towards the casket as some tears ran down his cheeks. Then the priest said softly, "Let us bow our heads, and pray." Everyone did so, and listened to the holy man's words, "Lord, please lift this young man's soul and please lift this hurt plaguing Kendall's family, friends and his fiancé."

James felt more tears run down his cheeks, and held his parent's hands a bit tighter. "In our lord Jesus Christ, amen." There was a collection of soft amends before everyone lifted their heads once more.

"Let us rise..." Everyone rose to the preacher's voice, and listened as the congregation began to gently sing 'Hallelujah' and the soldiers began to shoot in honor of their fallen comrade.

As the chorus sang, the casket began to descend into the ground below. As James watched the casket be lowered into the ground, he vaguely remembered a conversation he and Kendall shared when Kendall first returned from Iraq.

They were lying in bed after a long love making session, and as Kendall held James close they started to talk about all the what ifs. As Kendall rubbed circles into James's back as he looked up at the ceiling, chuckling softly, "What if I died and you were at my funeral…would you throw yourself on my casket, crying and yelling 'Don't put him in the ground! Don't put him in the ground!'?" Kendall chuckled at the thought of a hysterical James, but got a knee to the hip.

Kendall winced, and looked at James who wasn't smiling but had an angry frown on his face. "What?" James scoffed, and sat up as much as he could without hurting his back side all that much. "That's not funny, Kendall…I don't wanna think about you dying…"

Kendall frowned, and sat up wrapping his arms around James's form from behind. He didn't need to look at his lover's face to know James was probably crying, or at least tearing up.

"Baby, don't cry…I'm not going to die anytime soon, I promise." James turned, and looked at his boyfriend with teary eyes, "You don't know that…You could die at any time, and then what? You'll be gone…and I'll be alone." Kendall sighed, and kissed James's lightly wet from the tears cheek.

"Now, you know that won't happen…not when you have Carlos, Logan, Allison, Phillip and your parents with you. Also, you'll never be alone because I'll always be watching over you…" James smiled sadly, and hugged Kendall tightly as he buried his head into the blonde's shoulder.

Kendall smiled slightly, and held his boyfriend close before he whispered in James's ear, "I love you." James blushed, and cuddled closer into Kendall's warmth, "And I love you too…forever and always."

James gently smiled at the memory as some tears ran down his cheeks, the casket now in the ground fully and the song coming to an end. As the chorus grew quiet, the soldiers let out one last shot into the sky by the orders of their commanding officer.

As the gun shot rang, James could've sworn the bullet went right into his heart. Then it was finally over. As the priest dismissed the congregation, James went to the hole where Kendall's casket now lies deep inside. He looked down at the pure black casket that had an American flag on it along with tons of flowers on top.

James cried silently over his lost lover's grave, someone came over and tapped the brunette gently. James jumped, and looked up at the commanding officer who was leading the soldiers with the guns.

"Here…this is for you. Schmidt's mother wanted us to give you this." James blinked, and looked down at the folded flag. He covered his mouth, and felt fresh raw tear emerge into his eyes. James gently took the flag, and held it close to his chest.

"Thank you…" He whispered softly to the commanding officer who saluted him, and walked away from the crying brunette. James brought the flag to his nose, and inhaled the folded flag. It smelled faintly like Kendall which made James gasped softly, this was Kendall's flag that he kept in his room.

James felt more tears run down his cheeks, and whimpered as he held the last real thing he had of Kendall close to his chest before he started towards his car. He needed to do something, something that would give him complete closure of Kendall's death for good.

_Baby, why'd you leave me?_

_Why'd you have to go?_

_I was counting on forever, now I'll never know._

_I can't even breathe._

_It's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the background._

_Everybody's saying he's not coming home now._

_This can't be happening to me._

_This is just a dream._

As James walked into his room, he gently placed the folded flag on his bed and crouched down to look under his bed. There he found the box of every letter Kendall sent him, and everything else that was simply Kendall.

He then got on the bed, placing the box on his lap as he gently opened the large shoe box. There at the top of everything was Kendall's final letter to him, the one he didn't open the night he found out about Kendall's death.

James took the letter out of the box, and placed said box on the bed as he started to gently open the letter, trying not to rip the letter that was held inside. When it was finally opened, he took the letter out and began to read it, taking in every word and running his fingertips over each letter.

It read,

'_Dear, James…_

_The war is getting harder. I watched two of my buddies die, and I almost got shot today but I stayed strong for you, baby. It hurts knowing how life could be so short, and that it could be taking away from you so quickly._

_But I promised you I would live through this, and come back to you. I wish I could kiss you, hold you and hear your voice. I swear when I saw that gun being pointed at me, I thought for sure I was going to die. I even saw my life flash before my eyes._

_I saw my life flash before my eyes, and all I saw was you. Because you're my world, and my life. I remembered what you said about being all alone, and then I moved out of the way. I just couldn't live with myself knowing I left you in this world all alone._

_I won't let that happen, my heart just wouldn't allow you being all alone. Because I wanna be there with you through everything, James. I wanna be there with you on our wedding day, I wanna see you in that white outfit Carlos picked out for you, and that veil your mother let you borrow._

_I also wanna buy a house with you, and I wanna…I wanna have a family with you, James. Yes, I wanna adopt a kid with you, James. I kind of want it to be a girl with big hazel eyes like yours, and beautiful blonde hair. _

_I wanna watch her grow up, and I wanna see her get married and give us our first grandchild. I wanna grow old with you, and die holding you, baby. I moved out of that bullet's way because I want all that with you, James. I love you, and nothing will ever change that._

_I gotta go; we're going on our rounds in the tank. I'll be home as soon as I can. I love you, and I miss you._

_Forever Yours, Kendall'_

James sniffled, and wiped away his tears as he finished the last letter from his boyfriend. He held the letter close to his chest, and cried softly as he thought about his last moments with Kendall.

Soon, James cried himself to sleep, escaping into his dreams where Kendall was alive and laying right next to him, asleep.

In his dreams, Kendall felt so warm and so alive but he knew it was only just a dream but as James's hand ran over where Kendall's heart used to be, he decided that he didn't care as he felt it beat against his hand.

James didn't care that Kendall would never wake up in his dreams, never look at him ever again, ever kiss him or even hold ever again. Just as long as he was here now, and alive in his dreams that's all James needed to keep going and waking up every day.

Even if it was only just a dream.

**I listened to so many country songs to actually write this! Dx I have never done that considering I don't like a lot of country -_-;; But I had to get through the last page somehow and end this fic somehow! **

**But phew…those last few pages got to me because I was starting to tear up a little bit. So…I'm a bit grateful for country music at the moment because it helped me sort out my feels and helped me write this fic.**

**So, yeah…words and nonsense lol Well, I better go to bed. It's pretty late, and I promised my mum I would go to bed early since I start school next week. Ugh…school.**

**Well, goodnight y'all. Have a fabulous day, afternoon or night and please, review or favorite!**


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